Monday, November 26, 2012

Leaf Forty-four: Gratefulness


“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, a creates a vision for tomorrow” –Melody Beattie

 

Given last week’s celebration of Thanksgiving, it is only fitting to dedicate this leaf to gratitude. The quote above speaks quite perfectly to the incredible power valuing and implementing daily gratitude practice has had on my life over the course of the past year. It is moving to see how simply being thankful for this beautiful world brings lasting clarity and peace to my soul. I have experienced joy in a way that opens up my heart to people, places, and things I could not see before. Each morning, I wake with a fondness for life, a love and passion for my family, my job, and my relationships. What a blessing it is to know such a deep hope and a strong sense of faith for what lies ahead.

 

Gratitude brings provides much comfort when the rest of the world around me seems to be spinning. The Thursday before Thanksgiving, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. It was a mixture of concern for my dad combined with a long, meaningful week at work. I struggled to put words to what I was experiencing internally, it was not necessarily good or bad, it just was. The tears stirred during my drive home, after my workout, and when I walked in the door. I settled in on my bathroom floor and cried for awhile. There was something soothing to about letting the tears flow and releasing what had been building up. Afterwards, I felt very grateful to be able to feel things so deeply. To be able to encounter such raw emotion without pushing it away is an incredible sensation. I am thankful for my ability to connect to that part of my soul, to understand it, and to look at those feelings without judgment or criticism.

 

I am thankful to have met someone who I am able to give the kind of love that all people deserve. Dallas has been an inspiring person in my life and given me an opportunity to experience something incredible. To be a part of such a genuine, respectful, passionate, real, and patient relationship will forever be one of the greatest blessings I will ever know. I am thankful to be balanced and whole within myself that I am able to encounter such a love. Each day I am especially grateful for knowing Dallas. Gratitude for him has allowed me to stop worrying about what the future holds and instead, engage fully in the moment of being with one another. At the end of the day, sharing those moments with him are what I am thankful for. My hope is that so many others have the opportunity to know that kind of invaluable love.

 

Life has felt crazy with my dad. His inability to recover has been so up and down since the surgery it has been difficult to relax. Some days I fear the worst, others I am angry with the doctors. I think underneath it all, I feel helpless and unsure of how to handle everything.  It has made me re-evaluate a lot of things in my life, especially grasping onto those things that are truly important, like my family. I am grateful to have been able to see them the past couple of weeks. The trip home with Dallas and then again last week for Thanksgiving were much needed. I am thankful to be able to be there for my dad; to tell him that I love him and to hug him. It was nice to be there at Thanksgiving because he seemed like his normal self around all our family. He was laughing, teasing, and playing basketball with us like he was feeling 100%. I am thankful for his example and strength. He has laid the foundation for my independence as well as my ability to advocate for who I am. The gratitude I have for his unconditional love and constant support is much more than I can put into words.

 

I am also very grateful for my mom and the relationship we have with one another. She has been so strong throughout the process with my dad. I admire her hope and courage and constant faith. I am thankful to be able to watch her and my dad grow closer during this experience. It is amazing to witness the commitment and love they have for one another. My mom has always been my biggest advocate as well as a consistent form of unwavering support. Her love makes me one of the luckiest girls in the world. I am blessed to have had a woman like her watch over and guide me through my life.

 

Practicing gratitude has allowed me to encounter joy and peace daily. It makes me a stronger, more connected individual and gives me hope for a beautiful life ahead.

2 comments:

  1. Ash, I just find this blog and have spend the better part of the afternoon reading about your year. I have ordered a copy of "The Gifts of Imperfection." And have laughed and cried at your posts. But this one, when you talk about your parents really got to me! Love, love, love your journey and have been inspired to begin my own. and LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! What an incredible woman you have become.

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  2. Thank you so much Cindy for your kind words! I love you so much and can't wait to hear all about where your journey takes you!

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