Leaf Forty-two: A Worthy Fight

My leaf this week is inspired by my younger brother Kaden and his incredible courage to speak up for what he believes in. As I read the words of an essay he wrote for his 12^th grade English class, I was moved by what he was willing to put onto paper knowing that it might not be well received by his classmates and teachers. While I think the predominately Mormon community we were raised in likes to believe they are open-minded to others who are “different”, the reality is, it is extremely challenging to not meet the normal criteria of what makes up a family. As children, my brothers and I did not really think about religion and our identity. I think it became apparent to all three of us when we entered adolescence that being Mormon meant something.

 

Unlike Kaden, my senior year of high school mostly consisted of wearing the “mask” that allowed me to be like all my peers. While deep down I knew Mormonism was not a lifestyle I identified with, I was too insecure to speak up. It is incredible to see the confidence Kaden has and the belief he maintains for his identity. I am so proud that he was able to put into words what brings him peace. The essay he wrote was based on the premise of being in a cave and unable to get out. Kaden identified the Mormon Church as the cave that prevented him from getting in touch with his real self.

 

The most compelling part of my brother’s essay was his compassion and openness to the world around him. He writes:

 

“Religion has nothing to do with how a person acts on the inside, and putting a label on them makes us avoid meeting or even giving them an opportunity to prove themselves. Nobody should be over looked, including Mormons. The world should just treat each other as contemporaries because we’re all human and nobody can change that”.

 

Here I think he speaks to the very essence of why we are placed on this earth, to connect and engage in the human experience because that is what spirituality truly is—engaging together. Like my brother believes, I believe that connection can be possible through many different outlets, religions,…basically whatever brings a person a sense of fulfillment and peace. When someone advocates that their religion or belief system is better than another’s they are no longer valuing the human condition. As my brother explains, we all are worthy, regardless of where we come from or what we believe. We all have the capacity to be genuine, spiritual beings because we are human.

 

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” -Pierr Teilhard de Chardin (I used this quote a few weeks ago when I talked about My Church, couldn't help but put it on here again)

 

Leaf Forty-two is about a worthy fight for what I believe. As I learned growing up in the Mormon Church, we are supposed to discover the “truth” for ourselves. Yet, like my brother spoke about in his essay, the “truth”, was driven into our brains from a young age, so we did not have much of a choice. When I left my community seven years ago, I devoted much of my journey to personal growth and spiritual discovery. I wanted to find the peace that I knew was out there for me. It was not a peace that came from a religion that dictated what I wore, drank, who I married, etc. It from the relationships I had with others who believed differently than me. From the beauty I saw in the world around me. From the experiences of the LGBTQ community that I encountered. When I let go of the Mormon religion, I connected to humanity, I discovered my God.

 

The higher power I believe in does not reside in the boundaries, books, and rules of the Mormon Church. I have much respect for those individuals part of the religion and the peace it brings them. But I believe that it is okay to believe different. I searched, l prayed, and I discovered a different truth. For me, spirituality is consistently a part of my life. I see it in my work, my relationships, and the beauty of the world around me. I may not go to a specific church every Sunday, but I practice gratitude and love daily. I know that being a good person and living a genuine life requires conscious effort. The moment I chose my path, I felt more prepared for the challenges than anything that had been dictated for me.

 

Although I stopped practicing Mormonism several years ago, my membership was still documented on church records. I never gave it a second thought until I started my journey to a wholehearted life. I value holding myself accountable and having the courage to speak up. There was something about belonging to belief system that I did not agree with that went against my premise of living wholeheartedly. A couple months ago I requested that my name be removed from membership records. I sought out information from others who had engaged in the same process and composed a letter. A week letter, I received a letter back from the church stating that my request could only be granted by meeting with a church official. I sent another letter advocating for my rights and that I wanted my name removed. A couple of weeks later I received an email from a Mormon Bishop in my area requesting I contact him. I felt annoyed and frustrated that my request was not respected, but wanting the process to be finished, I emailed the Bishop back.

 

Long story short, the emails between the Bishop and I went back and forth for a couple weeks. Each time I requested for my name to be removed, supported with points, and was very respectful. Each response back in some way seemed to be a manipulative attempt to get me to reconsider. In one particular email he had the audacity to use my profession as a means to address my decision to leave the church. Needless to say, I was absolutely livid to his comments. Rather than considering my humanity, I was judged based on my decision to leave the church. These emails provided further confirmation for my reasoning for not wanting to be a part of the church. I refuse to believe in something that cannot be accepting of another’s value system. In the end, I continued to demonstrate respect and advocate for my rights and eventually my request was granted.

 

I had a couple friends ask me if this was really worth the all the effort and time. What did it matter if my name was on membership records or not, it wasn’t like I was practicing Mormonism? Initially, these were my thoughts too, and I remember thinking that the process was taking too much time and energy. But then I remembered what I had been working on for the past eleven months and not taking action would be going against my foundation of fifty-two leaves. This was a worthy fight. Too often we give up on the things that require work. It was uncomfortable emailing back and forth with someone who believed I was making a fatal mistake. I became angry when he judged my character. But I embraced my courage, held strongly to my worthy heart, and stood up for what I believed.