So life has been incredibly busy over the last month, but nonetheless, fifty-two leaves has been on my mind. Although I never had time to sit down and write my individual leaves, I made sure to devote each of the passing weeks to something directed towards my wholehearted life. Here is a rundown of what has been going on…
Leaf
Thirty-Nine: Searching for the moments
On the first
Friday of October, my high school had a school wide BBQ to celebrate 98%
attendance for the month of September. Students were excused for 5th
and 6th period to join together for hot dogs, music, games and
mostly fun. It was exciting to see the enthusiasm of the kids to be able to
celebrate their hard work together. Throughout the party, I kept thinking “how
cool is this” that everyone is gathering together, taking a second to value the
moment rather than being stressed out over “what needs to get done”. It was
without a doubt what I have come to label a “wholehearted moment”, where
everyone engaged together in the simple treasures of life. At one point, some
of the students had the opportunity to sing in front of their peers. The courage of the students to share their
talent with the rest of the school was especially moving. I watched as the
entire crowd quieted to support and cheer on their peers who sang for them. I remember
feeling completely enthralled in the moment, to see the entire school connect
over one person’s voice was genuine and valuable.
After the
BBQ, I made a goal to search out more moments like the one I experienced at my
school. Sometimes all it takes is taking a second to look around and embrace
the gifts of life that are constantly surrounding us. It is so easy to become
caught up with work, responsibilities, and stress that they can develop into a “normal
routine”. I felt myself falling in that direction. The inspiration from the
students triggered one of the necessities of a whole hearted life…breaking out
of the routines…one of the main things that initially instigated my desire to
start this blog. While my routine keeps me organized and feeling capable, it
also can be dangerous and exhausting at times. By devoting a leaf to searching
out of the moments, I have been more inclined to break out of my routine in
even small, simple ways. I have stopped to breath, read a chapter out of my
favorite book, watch the sunset, and even taking an afternoon nap. The moments
of life are all around us, we just have to be willing to stop and take a look.
Leaf Forty: Fighting
On
A couple of
weeks ago, I went to my first USC football game. Actually, it was my first ever
competitive football game so naturally it had to be a new leaf. Dallas’s mom
(Anna) went to USC and the tradition has been passed down to both Dallas and
his sister (Lyric). They are very big USC fans and included me in festivities
for the USC vs. Colorado game. It was a memorable, exciting experience and one
that definitely falls under my previous leaf of searching out the moments.
There was something about tailgating on USC’s campus, surrounded by fans, covered
in red and gold that created quite the unforgettable environment. I think I am
a sucker for any type of connection. I love watching people, who don’t even
know one thing about one other, connect through something bigger than
themselves. It was very fun to watch and be part of this sensation during the
USC game. I loved seeing the crowd light up after a touchdown and the high
fives from the stranger sitting behind me. I am so thankful to Anna for
including me in such a fun family event. They have truly opened their arms to
me and made me feel so comfortable. It is rare to find such people, who embrace
you, get you, and want you to be in their lives, it has been such a great
feeling. For it, I am deeply grateful and so happy and looking forward to the
next time I get to fight on!
Leaf
Forty-one: What really matters…
Like I said earlier, the past month has been very busy. From work,
to family stuff, to traveling, to more family stuff, it seems that the chaos
may never end. I have kept moving because of the faith I have in myself and the
invaluable support system around me. As life gets busy and stressful, and
especially since I started to work fulltime, I have began identify the things
that are truly important in my life. This includes the people that are really
important. One challenge I have taken upon myself during my journey to a
wholehearted life is that of setting boundaries and holding other people accountable.
Part of this, has been about letting go of not being able to be what everyone
else needs. I do feel less close to some, but I also feel closer to what really
matters, like my family, my boyfriend, and my friends that truly love me for
me.
With the increased amount of things occurring, I have come to
really realize that I do not have time for unnecessary drama. In the past I
have become consumed with letting someone down or not being good enough. Lately,
I felt that same pull happening, but the difference is that I am aware of my
triggers and able to quickly catch myself from spiraling down to perfectionism.
I know I cannot be “perfect” for
everyone and I combat it by figuring out who and what really matters…which has
been incredibly freeing. Because the fact is, I know I’m enough. I know I am a
good daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, therapist, co-worker, teacher, etc.
When I let the judgments of someone else get to me, I lose the strength that I
know I have.
We cannot please everyone. When we’re working fulltime,
maintaining our own sanity, and keeping those that are important close, someone
else my feel displeased or disappointed. They may choose to treat us poorly or
cut us out completely. It hurts, but at the end of the day, it’s about
deciphering what really matters, who really loves us, and believing we are
enough right now. One of the greatest
things I have learned from Dr. Brené Brown and a wholehearted life is being
able to say “I am worthy right now”. We all are. We all deserve it.
No comments:
Post a Comment