Leaf Four: Speaking Up

Each day I try in some way to implement wholehearted living in my life, while constantly remembering that I am enough. Having a new leaf for the past four weeks has held me accountable for the changes I want to make and I am truly enjoying getting outside my comfort zone, which has allowed me to become very aware of what I want for myself. My inspiration this week comes from my good friend and colleague, Lily. We have been studying together nonstop for our comprehensive exams for the past few weeks and I owe her much of my sanity.  I have taken advantage of any free moments as well as the opportunity for great conversation. Lily and I were talking the other night about our need to live perfect lives and how often it impacts our ability to embrace ourselves as we are. As my conversations with her typically go, Lily helped me recognize a deeper part of myself that often gets in the way of my happiness.

 

In thinking about perfection, I identified within myself that I have difficulty standing up for what I want out of fear of being perceived as imperfect. For me, the thought of having others view me as confrontational is terrifying. It is easier to simply go with the flow and not say anything. As I thought about what happens for me during these moments, I realize that by not speaking up, I bottle the emotion only leaving it to break through later on. It’s a self-defeating cycle because my exhausting efforts to be perfect cause me to have an emotional breakdown, which makes me upset at myself, which then encourages me to continue to strive for perfection. Recognizing this pattern and that its root cause is embedded in my unconscious need to be perceived as “perfect” has been empowering for me. I realize the only way I am going to break free, is to interrupt the cycle head on.

 

I read this quote the other night and I thought it fit with exactly what I wanted to accomplish this week:

"He who does not have the courage to speak up for his rights cannot earn the respect  of others"

          -Rene G. Torres.

 I realize the importance of finding my voice in situations that are meaningful to me as it paves the way for respect from others. Speaking up doesn’t mean that I have to be confrontational; it means that I am not going to be passive. Looking back, I can identify so many times when I do not say or do what I want out of fear of causing any discomfort for others. In reality, I am only causing discomfort for myself. Leaf four is about taking initiative for what I want out of life and not worrying so much about what others will think. This week I have been finding my voice in various situations, whether it’s something simple like saying where I want to go to dinner or something more important like standing up to the passive-aggressive behavior of another. Thank you to Lily for helping me recognize that it is okay to speak up and be who I am.