“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not” –Author Unknown
I came across this quote the other night and found that it really spoke truth to what I have been trying to overcome. On an intrapersonal level fifty-two leaves has really helped me work through my internal criticism and insecurities. I am able to better embrace my flaws and accept the imperfections. However, I notice I am still having trouble letting go of my need for perfection with work and school. It is easier to let go of things when I am only worrying about myself, but when I have to consider the viewpoints and possible judgments of those around me, I find that I am quicker to strive for perfection as it helps me avoid being perceived “badly”. Lately, my new mindset has helped me compensate for this, but last week was more stressful than others and I watched old habits creep in. What is different though is my ability to better recognize how the cycle makes me feel. With that awareness I was able to breakdown what was going on and overcome the negative thoughts of myself. This also helped me realize that when I get stuck in the process of trying to be somebody I think I am not, I am unable to be who I truly am. This creates missed opportunities both professionally and interpersonally. What I am beginning to recognize is that if I never give myself credit for the hard work I do, I will never be able to see what I have done. This week, probably for the first time in my life, I was proud of myself. Not in an arrogant sort of way, but in a way where I actually identified the accomplishments and invaluable experiences I have had for simply being me.
My leaf this week is dedicated to my best friend Lex, who was the first person to truly love every part of me. When you share a room with someone for four years it is pretty difficult to hide your imperfections…so let’s just say Lex saw every side of me. What never wavered, was her unconditional love for me. She was always there to pick me up when I fell down. She had my back when someone hurt me. She made me laugh. She would stay up all night talking to me about anything. If it wasn’t for Lex, not only would I have dropped out of college, but I would have ever been able to love myself. There will never be enough words to express my gratitude and love for her. She taught me so much about life and being proud of who I am. Lex is more than a friend; she is my partner in life. It doesn’t matter where she is, I know without a doubt she would drop everything to support me. We always joke about how our husbands will have to marry both of us, but seriously it’s true…I can’t imagine any part of my life without her. Thank you Lex, for being the greatest friend, support system, and example a woman could ask for. Looking forward to spending the weekend with you as well as the rest of our life!!!
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