Leaf Twelve: Standing Tall

“Laughter, song, and dance create an emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone” –Dr. Brené Brown

Wow, I amazed how quickly time passes and how much growth can be made. Twelve weeks ago I started a journey completely unsure of what to expect. These past three months have taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined. There are days where I wonder how it was possible to live the way I did before. This change within me has been absolutely terrifying at times, but I have also never felt so alive and so connected to others. My leaf this week is about celebration, living free, and standing tall. Over the past few weeks I have had several opportunities to celebrate someone special in my life. I went to L.A., to San Fran, and this past weekend Las Vegas to spend time with people who help me remember I am not alone. Finally discovering a place within myself that allows me to feel an inner freedom has made each of these experiences especially meaningful. There is something about connecting with others that leaves me feeling fulfilled and excited about life. At this time I feel so very blessed and grateful for the incredible friends and family I have in my life.

During my flight to Las Vegas I revisited Dr. Brown’s chapter about cultivating laughter, song, and dance in our lives. She talked about being able to let go of her insecurities and dance in the mall with her daughter. The story made me smile. Most of us, myself included, are terrified of that vulnerability…to dance (or sing) in public with others around to judge or laugh or whatever they may do. What I have noticed, is when I reach a place where I can let go of those thoughts. When I stop caring about what others think. I feel a poweful freedom and sense of peace. I feel confident in who I am. I take chances and live in the moment. Lately I have noticed it has been easier for me to reach that place and I am so thankful for that.

My whole life I have always been abnormally tall. Growing up, I was uncoordinated, awkward, and extremely bony. Luckily for me I had a mom who always made me feel special. She enrolled me in a dance class at age three and I continued until I was about twelve. I was never the best dancer, but I loved the fun costumes, make-up, and reason to smile non-stop. Those early years in dance helped me embrace myself. I eventually grew into my body and discovered I was more of an athlete than a dancer, but (as I said several leaves earlier) my love to move on the dance floor never changed. This past weekend, inspired by Dr. Brown, I made sure to dance the night away and I even did so in 4-inch heels, a pair of shoes I typically avoid at all costs. Since the start of this journey, I have noticed that I have been standing a little taller (both literally and figuratively) and for the first time in my life I am finally okay with being 6’0 ft. It is a part of my identity…it makes me who I am and I am now realizing it is a gift that should be celebrated. I challenge each one of you to celebrate something about who you are. And if you have not already, purchase Dr. Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection” I promise it will move you in ways you have never thought possible.

Leaf Eleven: Bachelorette Partying

My leaf this week represents the magnitude of truly living. This past weekend I left all my worries about finances, school, and work behind me and headed to San Francisco. I felt I turned a new leaf because I spent the weekend indulging in the present moment in the company of four incredible women, Ky (the bride to be), Jess, Cait, and Jenna. Let’s just say the five of us caused plenty of trouble and made fantastic memories during our time in San Fran. I have known Ky and Jess for a while, but I officially met Cait and Jenna this weekend. We all meshed together fabulously… it felt like I was with the sisters I have never had. There is something to be said about spending time with people whom you feel completely comfortable around. I am discovering that through my journey to wholehearted living I am experiencing more of these moments. Celebrating the beautiful bride to be was a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life. This week’s leaf is a tribute to the amazing ladies I spent the weekend with.

First to the bride to be, Ky, I am so incredibly thankful and blessed to have such an amazing woman become a part of my family. Ky got engaged to my cousin Lorenzo this past summer… it was an exciting moment for our entire family. I feel like over the past year Ky has become a great friend, example, and support in my life. She literally is one of the kindest people I have ever met. I remember the first time I saw her and Lorenzo together … in that moment I knew they were going to get married. Their love for one another is rare and something to cherish forever. Being able to spend time with them has been a blessing as they demonstrate what it means to truly love one another. Growing up with Lorenzo and knowing him quite well, I honestly don’t think he could have found a more perfect person to spend the rest of his life with. Ky, thank you so much for opening your heart to me.  I think the world of you and am beyond excited to have you in my life forever. It was amazing celebrating with you this weekend … can’t wait for the wedding!!!!

Around the same time Lorenzo and Ky got engaged, I met Ky’s twin sister Jess. I don’t think we could’ve walked into each other’s lives at a more perfect time. I had recently ended a relationship and was trying to figure out what I wanted out of life. Jess seemed to be in a similar position and we quickly developed a friendship that felt like had existed a lifetime. It is absolutely effortless when we are together and I honestly do not know how I ever survived without her. Jess is such a strong, hardworking woman. She is not afraid to speak her mind and I look up to her ability to stand up for what she believes. We seem to really get one another so we always have a great time together. I am so thankful for her friendship and the example she is for me in my life…I can’t imagine it without her! Looking forward to many memories to come. Love ya Jess, thanks for being the best wing woman a girl could ask for…this year needs to go by fast so I can have you in SD!!!!

Thanks to technology (Facebook and group messaging on the IPhone), Jess introduced me to Cait and I officially met her this weekend. She is probably one of the funniest girls I have ever met and an absolute sweetheart. Since Cait and I first started talking, she has always been so open and kind. Our group text messages have really helped get me through stressful weeks and I have loved getting to know her. It was refreshing to have never met her before and feel so comfortable being around her this weekend. I feel like I have made a lifelong friend and am looking forward to enjoying Southern California with her. Thank you Cait for opening your arms to me! It has been so fun getting to know you these past few months…cannot wait for all the memories we get to make!!

I met that fabulous Jenna for the first time this weekend and I immediately fell in love with her vibrant, outgoing personality. Everywhere we went, Jenna had a huge smile on her face. She was so friendly with everyone we encountered. It was easy to feel connected to her and like all these amazing ladies, I felt completely comfortable and at home with her. Jenna made me laugh the entire weekend and I enjoyed every moment of her company. She brought her camera everywhere we went and documented the celebration (the pictures on this week’s blog are via her Facebook, thanks Jenna J) . Thank you Jenna for being such a great time and so sweet to me. I am so excited for the many adventures we have ahead!

The celebration this weekend leaves my heart full. These girls represent the truth in living a wholehearted life. We celebrated a great friend and truly enjoyed one another’s company. To me, there is nothing better than spending time with people who make you feel completely comfortable to be who you are. This is why is I started this journey, to love and thrive in life. Thank you to the beautiful, inspiring women who helped me do so this weekend, I love you all!!!

Leaf Ten: Following Through

First off, a big thank you to all my friends and family who have been incredibly supportive about fifty-two leaves. Thanks for all your kind words and inspiring thoughts. It was a big step for me to broadcast the blog on Facebook and I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life to stand by me!

Leaf ten is dedicated to one of those amazing people, my girlfriend Maggie. I have known Mags since my first class in college. Even before I met her, I knew she had the kind of presence that lights up a room. She is exceptionally sweet, kind, and an absolute blast to be around. After our freshmen year, Mags and I (along with our two other gorgeous friends, Lex and Melo), moved into together. I honestly could not have asked for better roommates throughout college. Let’s just say we had some pretty good times (I’ll have to save those stories for another time!). Anyways, Mags and I have always been close. We seem to be a lot alike on the emotional level so I think we always understood one another. Mags taught me so much about working hard and following your dreams. She has an energy unlike anyone I know and consistently brings a smile to my face. This past weekend she planned one of the greatest parties I have even been to for her boyfriend, Joe. She surprised him by having all his college buddies come out for the weekend to celebrate. I received an email regarding the party about a month ago. I was so impressed with Mags’s ability to plan and coordinate such an event. She told me I had to come and I put it down on my calendar.  The week before the party, I got a bit worried about my busy schedule and did not know if I could swing a L.A. trip in with my workload. I remember feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and like always, I opted to backing out because the party would interrupt my routine. Mags didn’t let me off the hook that easy. Like I said earlier, Mags knows me emotionally and understands how I get sometimes when I’m caught up in one of my “perfection” episodes. She talked to me about how great the party was going to be and how much it would mean to her for me to be there.

The second part was what really mattered…the part about following through to those who mean the most. Since graduation, I have not seen or spent enough time with Mags and she is only 2 hours away! There were a lot of things that got in the way of me making the trip to see Mags and my other friends. I was too absorbed in a relationship (again, another story for another time) that I did not take the time to do what I loved. Let’s just say things have really changed since then.  Last week, Mags reminded me why I started this journey…to share meaningful moments with those who make me a better person. Although I only went up for Saturday, it was completely worthwhile. It was fun to surprise Joe and be around all his friends. It was the first time Mags and I got to have girl time since college. We picked up right where we left off and I felt so at home. Thank you to Mags for all you do and for letting me be a part of this exciting event!!

A quick trip to L.A. also allowed me to surprise a little girl, Alex, I used to babysit. I called her mom on my way and found out that they were having Alex’s birthday party. It worked out perfectly for me to stop by and surprise her. It was awesome to see such a big smile on Al’s face! There are so many opportunities to take advantage of when we stop worrying and just go for it. I got to spend time with a great friend, meet many new people, and surprise a beautiful little girl on her birthday...what a fabulous weekend!!

Leaf Nine: Being Spontaneous

“I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith” –Dr. Brené Brown

Over the past week I struggled to narrow down a distinct leaf. I seemed to be doing so many different things that it was hard to pick one to focus on this week. Often times I will pick a page in Dr. Brown’s book for inspiration around what I am trying to implement in my life. As always, her words motivate me and remind me about the beauty of simplicity in my life. My leaf this week is a combination of things. It was about having self-compassion, keeping an open mind, and enjoying the company of those around me.  Spontaneity has the power to do wonderful things. In the past I have been so easily caught up by routines and structure that I tended to miss meaningful opportunities. Living wholeheartedly and breaking free from myself gives me more courage than I have ever experienced before. I am open to the world around me and not scared to push things past my limit. Over the weekend I spent time with a number of people from close friends to new acquaintances.  Friday I went bowling downtown for one of my co-workers birthdays. Saturday I spent an amazing day on Coronado Beach for the day with a couple of friends I had just met the night before. Sunday I woke up early, went on a run, caught up on work, spent the day at the beach and ate dinner with my girlfriends. There was not a moment over the weekend where I was worrying about the next. Things were peaceful, I felt inspired and incredibly thankful for those I encountered over the past few days. It was a beautiful, spontaneous weekend…one that most definitely contributes to a joyful life ahead.