Leaf Twenty: Meaningful Work

This week I am filled with immense amounts of gratitude and love. There are so many people that have helped me reach for the stars and persevere to accomplishing my dreams. Leaf twenty marks my graduation for my Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, and while I have clinical hours to complete over the summer, I am so proud to be celebrating this weekend with many loved ones and individuals who helped me achieve the meaningful work I have taken on over the years. It has been an incredible, life-changing journey, and I am absolutely thrilled to start the next chapter.

A few years ago during my undergraduate studies, I wanted to give up. Moving from small town Utah to the big city of Angels was becoming too much, too difficult, and unsafe. Looking back, I was afraid of exploring the depths of who I was becoming. I wanted to run home, get married, and not have to figure out what I really wanted out of life. What I have learned is that discovering who you are requires, effort, it requires meaningful work.

When I had this “breakdown” in college, my family was not falling for it. One thing I am especially blessed with is a support system who truly has my best interest at heart, even though they know I won’t like what they have to say at times. My parents were especially upset with my willingness to give up and come home, but like most kids do, I wasn’t listening to what they had to say. My Aunt Delise on the other hand caught my attention. She gave me some words of wisdom that I will never forget and that have stuck with me throughout this journey. She said:

“The greatest sin you could ever commit would be to not live up to your potential, to not fully embrace the gifts that God has given you”

 

At the time, I was upset and angry at her. I did not want her to be right, because that meant I had to do the work and the easy way out wasn’t an option. I learned that day that the people who love us have the ability to hold us accountable on the deepest level. And let me tell you, choosing to do the work has been the greatest story of my life. I am proud to say today that I am living up to my potential. I am truly embracing the gifts I have been given and cultivating meaning in my life.

 

My successes thus far have been inspired by so many family and friends,, but none greater than my parents. They have always believed in me, encouraged me, and supported me through it all. I believe wholeheartedly that our parents are the instigators in our growth. My parents stimulated my growth to the highest level. They have paved the way for me and I feel incredibly blessed to be following in their footsteps. There will never be enough words for the amount of gratitude and love I have for them. Mom and dad, you are my rock and I am stronger because of your love. Thank you for teaching me how to value and truly love life.

Graduation was also made possibly because of the love, support and guidance of my Grandma Tini. This woman holds my heart and soul and I am at a loss of words to express how thankful I am for her in my life. She has an unconditional acceptance of who I am and I never doubt her belief in me. I hope she knows how much I value the support and love she has provided in my life. There is something to be said about having a role model who provides constant, unconditional love and guidance for whatever I am doing. Big or small, no matter what, my grandma will always be there. I love you Gram, thank you for giving me the world.

I am also here today because of the generosity, kindness, support, and unconditional love from my Uncle Blake and Aunt Delise. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for them and the incredible gift they have given me in my life. It is an honor to be able to stand here and to share this amazing chapter of my journey with them. The faith they placed in me to succeed and embrace this beautiful gift has given me a strength that will be a part of my life forever. You both have inspired me throughout the years and I cannot even begin to describe the amount of respect and love I have for you. Thank you for giving with your whole hearts and loving me, I love you both deeply.

My brothers probably don’t know this, but they have been an important, inspiring part of my life. They are one of the many reasons I have been able to chase my dreams. I have always wanted to set an example for them, be there rock, and never let them down. The truth is, they are my example and my rock. Heath and Kaden – I look up to you both in so many ways and feel so blessed to be your sister. You love me for me and have always been there to pick me up and make me laugh. Most importantly, you have taught me how to love life and who I am. I cannot imagine this world without either of you. Thank you for loving me, supporting me, and sharing this journey with me.

This weekend I have so many amazing people to share this moment with. I am overwhelmed with joy and appreciation for the amount of love and support I feel. I am here today because of the incredible people I have in my life and their unconditional love and support for me. Thank you for not only sharing this special day with me, but this beautiful, beautiful thing we call life.

Leaf Nineteen: 8 Second Ride

Yes, the picture above is me on a mechanical bull…this new leaf business is getting a little bit out of hand, but I have to say, the experience was quite a rush and a workout. I have a new appreciation for bull riders and their abilities. My 8 Second Ride was only one aspect of my incredible weekend with one of my closest and longest friends, Necia. I have known Necia since 5^th grade and let’s just say 14 or so years later; some things never change and probably never will.

For as long as I can remember, even when we were young, Necia and I always found a way to go on some kind of adventure. From trips to Lake Powell, to all day outings at the baseball park, to staying up all night with new friends, we truly enjoyed our time together. I was so excited to have her come to San Diego this past weekend and the timing could not have been better. I finished up classes on Thursday and had my first four complete days off in I don’t know how long. Necia got in Thursday night and the rest is history.

My favorite thing about Nec is her easy going, genuine, sweet spirit. She is up for doing anything, even if it is simply spending the day lying on the beach…actually, I think lying in the sun is one of the things Nec and I do best…and we enjoy every second of it. Nec also loves baseball. We grew up at the baseball park, from watching my younger brothers to boys our age play, we would literally spend our entire summer days watching games. This weekend we made a last minute decision to go to a Padres game on Saturday Night. I couldn’t think of a better date than Nec…we enjoyed hot dogs and baseball like a couple of dudes. I was actually really impressed at Necia’s knowledge of all the players and their stats. I thought I was a baseball fan, but she took it to a whole new level…I am even considering joining the fantasy baseball thing next year after watching her.

One of the highlights of the weekend was deciding to ride a mechanical bull…we both kind of got suckered into it by a friend and neither one of us was going to be the person to back out. It was definitely an experience, full of lots of laughs and ridiculous pictures…seriously being bounced on a bull is not necessarily the best picture setting…but nonetheless, it will be a memory we look back and laugh at forever. I think that is the greatest thing that I have gained on my journey to wholehearted living, a lot of incredible, invaluable memories. This weekend was just another adventure to add to the list. Thank you Nec, for coming out and sharing the best parts of life with me. I love you to the moon and back and am so blessed for our friendship!

Leaf Seventeen & Eighteen: Let it Be

"There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be"

Last week, I hit a wall. It had been building for a while now, but I kept pushing through thinking I could by without dealing with what was going on. Since I started my wholehearted journey, I have been working through parts of myself and my story that often leave me feeling pretty raw. Although there is incredible value in exploring ourselves, it also can be extremely exhausting. I was definitely finding ways to subtly numb whatever what was being brought up. Well numbness eventually wears off. And after pushing myself too far…I had what I like to call one of my emotional breakdowns. This time, I knew I needed support.

Reaching out to my girlfriends was more than I could have ever asked for. It really demonstrated the power of connection and how important it is to ask for help. Dr. Brown discusses in her book seeking out people who can give you what you need on a deeper, genuine level. Friends who can sit with you comfortably in the moment, share with you, and let you know it is going to be okay. One of my greatest blessings in San Diego are the girls that I have joined with me on my journey in graduate school as well as development into a therapist. It is difficult for those on the outside to understand the dynamics of this program and the emotional roller coaster that tends to follow. Allison, Cookie, and Lily get it and most importantly they get me.  We have shared an experience together unlike any other and I will cherish our growth forever. My leaf for the past two weeks is “Let It Be” because it represents the place these three incredible women have helped, supported, and inspired me to get too.

There are days when I want to push the stop button on living wholeheartedly. Striving for perfectionism functioned worked in my life for so long. It is easier to try to not to be perfect than loving myself. The problem is, once I began the journey to letting go, there was no turning back. And even though the rawness can be difficult to deal with, there is no doubt in my mind that I am having an incredible, long lasting impact on where I want to go in my life. Last Monday, Allison shared a talk from the Oprah show discussing the importance of paying attention to the whispers that life speaks to us. The idea is that we typically get a gut feeling when something is off. This is a whisper, and if we continue to ignore it, it will get louder and louder, until a brick wall is crashing down on our head.

One little quote changed my week. Allison met me in the moment and gave me the inspiration to get going. Walls are inevitable. Shit happens and always will. It is about paying attention to what we might be ignoring in our life. Then it is about how we deal with it. For me, connecting with others has been and always will be my saving grace. There is nothing more valuable than spending time with friends who allow everything to just be. Who give us words of wisdom that let us know hope is not lost and that together we can make it. Thank you Al, Cook, and Lil for all you do. I love you more than anything!