Leaf Twenty-one: Finding my baby black swan

This week’s leaf is inspired from a number of things.

First, I will start with the words of wisdom I received from my good friend and colleague, Alex. Last Thursday him, my other great friend Michael, and I met up for drinks. We were chatting like we always do and Alex mentioned to me something about being a white swan and that I needed to embrace my black swan. That night I really did not think much about what had meant. Last night, I met up with them both again for drinks, and we got talking, and this time Alex’s word made me think twice. He said, “Ashley you are a bird ready to fly, but your foot is chained to the ground”. I asked him what he meant by that. He went back to the black swan analogy from the previous week. He told me that I wanted to be the black swan, but couldn’t let go of the white swan. I took what he said in. I felt the black swan, work so hard to keep her in check out a fear that I will lose control. The problem is, when I never embrace her, she finds a way to get out of control.

Alex put it nicely, “The goal is to appear out of control to everyone else, but inside, you have complete control”. I am at a point where I have all the tools, all the knowledge of what I want; I just need to take the leap, have faith and let go. So this week’s leaf is just that, letting go and finding my baby black swan. Here she comes!!!!!

Alex and Michael have been a part of this journey from the beginning. They are amazing listeners and have helped me to own the most important aspects of my story. Working with them this past year has been an incredible, rewarding experience, and I am so thankful for their friendship.

My week was also inspired by a new song (of course!) I heard this on the radio for the first time yesterday on my way to work. I immediately fell in love.  It’s called “Glass”, by Thompson Square and here is one of my favorite lines from the song:

“I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.”

It inspired me because I think it speaks to who we are: humans, capable of shining and breaking, but mostly capable of loving. These past six months have helped me be more like glass. Before fifty-two leaves, I was never okay with being glass. Being fragile meant there was something wrong with me. I needed to be strong and unbreakable. I am learning to love myself and others on a deeper level. I am taking the good with the bad and I am believing that imperfections are beautiful.

 

There have been so many individuals who have helped me reach this place, especially my colleagues at Harmonium. They have allowed me to share parts of who I am on a spiritual level. They have taught me how to be brave and vulnerable. It is remarkable to me the capacity of connecting with others can have. How it facilitates an environment of change and helps heal the deepest of wounds. This weekend I am celebrating a glorious year with the amazing people I have encountered. It will no doubt be a time filled with immense joy. Thank you all for your inspiration, love and support.